I was with my scene partner today.
He made us do an exercise to have us comfortable with each other. We had to be in character and tell each other how much we truly loved and cared for one another.
Every word he said was a stab in the heart. Made me feel more and more empty. Because he had someone to think about while telling me those things. His girlfriend. And I had no substitution. Because I’ve never been loved. Or even liked. He told me to imagine the feeling of a guy telling me he liked me. And I couldn’t even do that. I shied away and broke character to prevent me from blanking & getting emotional. But I felt so empty.
I’ve never been wanted. I’ve never felt like almost every girl in the world has felt. No guy has even complimented me before. I feel so… Ugly.
“They say give it time. Give it time and it will fall in line but I keep wondering how an when and why I haven’t met you…”
I guess everything happens for a reason.
I want some little kid to see me at a show, or on a video, and think to himself, “god damn, I want to be just like him.” And not for any egotistical, self- centered reason. I want this because that is what I first thought when I saw my first show, and it changed me forever. I want to change…
today in class the staff lady was like over the pa “everyone stay inside and lock their doors” i thought a killer was on campus but no it was just a kangaroo
Clearly this was Australia